Less of me

Lord,

When I think much of myself, when I become confident and prideful, when I seek my own will and take credit for your work, take your chisel Lord and chip away everything that makes up "me." Strip me of self-glory, self-confidence, self-pity, self-righteousness, self-everything... Reveal in me the naked, the raw, and the ugly. Take off every mask, every veil, every image that I hide behind, to reveal the nothing that I really am. Because Lord, when I see that I am nothing, it is then that I come humbly before you begging you to clothe me in your brilliant righteousness. Apart from You, I am nothing. Wrapped up in You, I am everything. So Lord, take me as I am - naked, raw and ugly - and clothe me. So that it is not I that shines, but your blinding robe of righteousness. Make less of me so that I may make much of You.

Faithful

Most of the blog posts I write are intended to encourage others. I share what God is teaching me so that others can be strengthened and uplifted. But, today's post is really just for me. It's because I need to be reminded of one thing: God is faithful.

Driving in to work this morning, I was feeling kind of crummy. Not that anything terrible is going on in my life. No. It was just one of those mornings when you wake up and feel sorry for yourself. No particular reason. You just feel sad. Maybe it's just a girl thing and guys don't get this way. But girls, I know you've been there.

My usual reaction to these kind of emotions is to run to my best friend, pour out my heart, maybe cry a little and then smile through the tears knowing everything is going to be ok. This time, I didn't have that opportunity... Let's just say it's kind of difficult to arrange a pity party at 7:30 a.m. on a Monday.

The next best thing (should be the first best thing) is to run to Jesus. So there I was driving down Hwy 50 pouring out my heart to my Best Friend. I was asking God to encourage me. To strengthen me. To wrap me in His loving arms and let me know everything is going to be alright. And just like that, He came to my side. You know why? Because He is faithful.

Instead of looking around at my circumstances and comparing myself to others, Jesus reminded me that I need to keep my gaze on Him. Using a song by Kutless as a way to speak to me, Jesus reminded me that despite the changes around me, He doesn't change. He is forever faithful. He is forever good.

"Even If"

Sometimes all we have to hold on to

Is what we know is true of who You are

So when the heartache hits like a hurricane

That could never change who You are

And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good

Forever faithful One

Even if the healing

Even if the healing doesn’t come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways

So we set our faith in who You are

Even though You reign high above us

You tenderly love us

We know Your heart

And we rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good

Forever faithful One

Even if the healing

Even if the healing doesn’t come

You’re still the Great and Mighty One

We trust You always

You’re working all things for our good

We’ll sing your praise 

Even if the healing doesn’t come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good

Forever faithful One

Even if the healing

Even if the healing doesn’t come

You are God and we will bless You

As the Good and Faithful One

You are God and we will bless You

Even if the healing doesn’t come

Even if the healing doesn’t come

A life of Surrender

Surrender. It's one of those words we like to exclude from our vocabulary. It's right there along with words like submission, humility, gentleness... We'd much rather use words like victory, empowerment, control, security...

Yet, Jesus calls us to a life of surrender. You see, in order to be called a follower of Jesus Christ, you must first give up. Jesus said, "...those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples." (Luke 14:33)

When the world tells us to accumulate wealth, power, security and acclaim, Jesus responds by saying, "surrender."

Surrender is difficult. It goes against our very nature. Since childhood, we have been taught to pursue our dreams and follow our hearts. We've heard "you can do it" pep talks. We learned to "reach for the stars."   But, we weren't taught to surrender. We weren't taught to give up. 

Giving up means shattered dreams. Giving up means uncertainty. Giving up means losing. 

As people, we have our own ideas for what our lives should look like. Our education. Career. Family. The car we drive. The house we live in. But, are we willing to give up our ideas for God's plans?

I'm not sure why but God has really been speaking this message to me lately. As some of you know, I got accepted into Dallas Theological Seminary where I believe God is leading me to pursue a Biblical education. Leaving the comfort of my home, my family, my friends, my church and my well-paid job isn't something that I imagined for my future. It was never in my 5-year plan. And yet, God clearly put it on my heart to do this. 

When I found out I got accepted, all I could think about was how awesome it will be to attend classes on theology, Biblical exposition, and spiritual formation. How awesome it will be to spend so much time in the Word. How awesome it will be to live on my own. How awesome it will be to grow and thrive in a new environment. Although the thought of leaving behind everything familiar was scary, I was thrilled at the opportunities that glistened on the horizon. 

Now, several months after I firmly made the decision to move to Texas and attend DTS, God has been asking me the same question He asked in the beginning of this journey: "Are you willing to surrender?"

This time, it's not surrendering the comfort of my home, my church, or my job. He's asking me whether I will be willing to surrender the very idea He planted in my heart. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't seem reasonable. Why would God place such a poignant desire in my heart only to ask for it back? Trust me, I've asked God this question countless times and I still don't know the answer. 

I don't know anything actually. I don't know if I will or will not go to seminary this summer. I don't know God's plans. I don't know the future. All I know is I must surrender. I must yield. I must submit. 

Whether that surrender means giving up the security blanket of my life in Sacramento or giving up the dream of a rich Biblical education far away in Texas, I hope and pray that I may be willing to obey God's voice and submit to His divine plan. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8)

I love how the chapter continues to say, "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.” (Isaiah 55: 12-13)

You know why I love this? Because God's thoughts and His ways are far better than anything we can imagine or plan for our own lives. God's plans are more majestic. More abundant. More fulfilling. 

God's plans are worth surrendering to. 

God's plans are worth surrendering for. 

Citywide Gospel Campaign

I realize it's only Monday but I am extremely excited for this upcoming weekend. More specifically, I'm excited for the upcoming Citywide Gospel Campaign!

What is the Citywide Gospel Campaign, you ask? Well it's only the biggest, most organized, most publicized, most prayed about outreach event that Missionary Gospel Church has ever been involved in. In fact, I believe this is the first event of its kind to be put on by a Slavic church in Sacramento. The 4-day event features 3 evening outreach services and 1 Sunday morning service aimed to reach our American neighbors in the Citrus Heights area with the Good News of Jesus Christ.

The biggest challenge? Somehow inviting the 83,498 people living in Citrus Heights!

Sending invitations via the postal service proved to be way too expensive so we needed to find an alternative way to get the word out. That meant distributing 40,000 fliers on foot. I guess where there is a will, there is a way because a group of dedicated individuals prepared maps for about 200 routes!

I only did one of those routes but it included 3 apartment complexes. It took me 2 hours and then I ran out of fliers. I don't know how that happened because I grabbed a giant stack of fliers "just in case." Later, I figured out I did an extra apartment complex that wasn't part of my route. Oops.

I love the graphic design of the fliers! 

I was originally planning to do my route on Wednesday after work but after it started raining in the afternoon I decided to hold off and wait for better weather. When better weather didn't come the next day, I still ended up distributing my share of fliers in the rain. Makes for a better experience anyways.

With half an apartment complex still left and no more fliers, I left that night wet and tired (from going up and down all those apartment stairs!) but happy. God is good and it's always such an honor to be able to serve Him even in such small things. I thoroughly enjoyed distributing the flyers and praying for each home, asking God to work in the hearts of  people living there. Even if people don't show up to our event, I know God can still draw them to Himself through other means. Please continue praying and fasting for this event!

I grabbed another handful of fliers at church last night. Gotta go finish off that route today after work!

Check out the Missions Worldwide video with the Gospel message:

Captain of my soul

I was listening to a sermon by Chuck Swindoll this morning and he read the following poem by William Ernest Henley, a British poet and early humanist:

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The sad truth is that we are not the masters of our fate or the captains of our souls. In fact, we cannot even be masters of our own bodies. Anyone who has suffered even a mini heart attack knows that we can't will our hearts to beat or cause our blood to circulate.

No matter how healthy or fit you try to be, ultimately you are not in control. The reality of this hit me this morning when I got the devastating news that one of my favorite people, my favorite boss ever, has been battling cancer for over a year. Mind you this is the most active and fit man you will ever meet. When we worked together we would run around the college track together during lunch. This man would run 6 miles every day - and that's when he wasn't training for a marathon. He ate healthy. He did everything he could to meet his goal to live until 125. But, cancer shows no favoritism.

Thankfully my boss is doing well and has been cancer free for a year now. I don't know the details of his diagnosis but one thing I do know - Christ is the master of our fate and the Captain of our soul.

A Christian woman once read Henley's "Invictus" too and wrote her version:

My Captain
Dorothea Day

Out of the night that dazzles me,
Bright as the sun from pole to pole,
I thank the God I know to be
For Christ the conqueror of my soul.

Since His the sway of circumstance,
I would not wince nor cry aloud.
Under that rule which men call chance
My head with joy is humbly bowed.

Beyond this place of sin and tears
That life with Him! And His the aid,
Despite the menace of the years,
Keeps, and shall keep me, unafraid.

I have no fear, though strait the gate,
He cleared from punishment the scroll.
Christ is the Master of my fate,
Christ is the Captain of my soul.

Lunchtime with Kristy

Getting my job at Boldt has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. God came through on his promises during a difficult time in my life. But ever since I got the job, I knew that there was a specific reason why God wanted me working for this construction company at this time. A few months later I met Kristy and it all made sense.

Having Kristy around makes work so much more enjoyable! Our conversations are always deep and often focused on God and His Word. We constantly share what God is teaching us individually and we learn from each other. 

My favorite time of day is lunchtime because that's when I get to spend the most time with Kristy. When it was warmer, we'd bring lunches from home and walk over to the nearby Sutter's Fort for a picnic lunch on the grass. But now that it's cold and rainy, we usually occupy one of the conference rooms in the office or head to a local food joint for thai food or sushi. 

Today during lunch we decided to go for a little walk and ended up at Rick's Dessert Diner.

Rick's Dessert Diner is one of those really neat
cake shops that still has  jukeboxes at every booth. 

I couldn't help indulging in a slice of Chocolate Caramel Mousse Tart. And a glass (errr... cup) of milk!

Sorry, I realized I should take a picture of my lovely
cake AFTER I devoured most of it! So yummy!

Since it was a fairly nice day -overcast and cool- we decided to sit outside.  Before long, it started to sprinkle and after a failed attempt to open up the umbrella, we had to quickly head back to the office. 

Kristy being Kristy.
That's one thing I love about our friendship -
we can be completely ourselves around each other!

That pretty much sums up our lunch date. Topics discussed: fasting, Kristy's high school small group, Girl Time with Andrew, whether 2% milk is really lowfat, and my awkward experience with live community theater.

I'm so thankful for this girl! She brightens up my day... Every day!

Aaaaaaaaaand we're back!

I'm terrible at being consistent and dedicated to one thing. I'm the kind of person who likes variety, spontaneity and change. Because of this, it's extremely difficult for me to keep a blog.

But... I'm on a mission. This blog is coming back to life after more than a year of slumber!

Here's what you should expect from ReflectGod:
1. A new post at least once a week.
2. Devotionals similar to the ones already on the blog.
3. Updates on my life and lessons God is teaching me.
4. Links to great articles and other resources.

Realize this is going to be a challenge for me, so if I fall behind a little bit, reserve some grace for me. Other than that, welcome to my blog! Enjoy!